In the moment

Being in the right place at the right time

When I was in NY last week, I needed to be a mom.  Even when you think your children are grown-up and you’re no longer needed, something unexpected happens when you are still needed…and I am so glad I could be there for that moment.

As a parent, one of the hardest things is to see your child disappointed.  You just want to take away their pain and quickly mend their broken hearts. I have personally learned so much more from my own failures than successes, but as a mom, I want things to be better and easier for my daughter. I know that failures are just part of growing up and part of life itself, but it still hurts to watch from the sidelines. 

Last week, our daughter Allison got her first real “rejection” in the business world. She found out that she did not get the job she REALLY wanted at another television network and was heartbroken.  I was at a business meeting in New Jersey, but got an email during the day asking if I was going to be back in New York later that evening.  I had a business dinner to attend, but I also knew this was one of those rare occasions where I could be with her at a time when she really needed me to be a confidant, a mom, a friend.  I decided to skip the dinner to spend time with her.  I am so glad that I did.

Life is filled with special moments that we don’t want to miss, especially when they’re unexpected.  How lucky was I to be in New York that day and not 3,000 miles away at home…so I could be there for her in one of those extraordinary moments.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Beyond my wildest dreams...

A day at the White House

I never imagined that I would be visiting the White House one day and actually be in the same room as President Obama and The First Lady.  Talk about a dynamic duo - what a thrill!  I was actually able to shake hands with Michelle Obama (many have asked if I washed my hands since that time).  She is not only articulate and charismatic, but as a professional business woman and mother, she is down-to-earth, authentic and the perfect role model to all of us – she is the real deal. 

The White House Forum was around workplace flexibility and for me, this is something near and dear to my heart.  Representing Deloitte as one of the thought-leaders in flexibility, we shared best practices with other leaders and it was great to see that both men and women want flexibility. Flexibility has now become a necessity and what our professionals expect, not a “nice to have” option.  For me personally, I have needed flexibility throughout my career – not only when our daughter was young. Today I need time for myself – just to relax and get refreshed.  I need time to think and not “do.”  Time seems more precious than ever.

Thanks to our President, flexibility has now reached the national agenda and is receiving well-deserved attention.  What a gift to all of us that our President and Mrs. Obama have raised this important issue – and how encouraging it is to hear that as a family they have experienced the same challenges, that we are not alone.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Summer's over...

Letting it go

Well, summer is over and it’s that time of year when the kids have gone back to school and for those of us who aren’t in school, it’s time to get back to our routines. This summer was filled with lots of family time — friends’ weddings, vacations, and, best of all, getting to spend time with our daughter, Allison, whom we were able to see at three different weddings. I love the summer when it is “okay” to take time off and, in fact, we often put things on hold until after Labor Day, signifying a time when things will get back to “normal” again. But what is normal? For me, as a working mom, I always think that is time to get back into the routine. But even though Allison is grown up and lives far away, my routine is still about trying to fit all of the pieces of my career and personal life together. When I speak with other parents, this seems to be a constant battle.

I know that it has been ages since I have written and there is really no good excuse except I have been busy with life…and still trying to fit in a very full schedule of work, travel, friends, and some “me” time. After a 30-year career, I am finally getting comfortable that this is how I approach things, and that it will always be a challenge for me to be trying to fit it all in.

At a recent women’s conference, we had a roundtable discussion about how to balance it all. The most memorable advice was from one of the men…who summed it up in three simple words: “Let it go.” I laughed when I heard this and also realized that this is one of my biggest challenges — letting it go. Maybe this will be my next New Year’s resolution — just go with the flow. 

Are you able to just “let it go?”

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Coming home again...

A number of years ago, a friend gave me a book called Wherever You Go, There You Are and this week, I was reminded of this title when I had a chance to visit our Wilton office. After almost 20 years at Deloitte, I finally had a chance to see “where it all happens” and I was thrilled to finally meet many of the people whose names I have heard through the years.

One of the great pleasures of my job is visiting many offices across the country and meeting my colleagues. What I am constantly reminded of is our great culture, which brought the book title to mind. Because we share the same values, wherever I go, I feel “at home” in every office. In Wilton, this was certainly true.

When I am asked why I am still at Deloitte, my answer is always “the values” and I am sure that many of my colleagues feel the same way. At the end of the day, our shared values are the glue that holds us together. Whether you serve internal or external clients, there’s a sense of commitment, collaboration, and the collective goal of providing the best service possible.

So, wherever we go, there we are… and our values are ever present. Thank you to my Wilton colleagues for the warm welcome and for making me feel like I was coming home, once again.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Decision Time

I recently had a conversation with a senior manager who is traveling long distance every week for a project. There was a lot of discussion and debate when she decided to take this assignment – with long distance travel being a major concern as well as whether it fit with her longer term career goals.

We are often faced with situations that are not ideal and don’t seem to fit with what we had in mind. Typically, we have a choice to accept it or reject it, but also need to weigh the consequences of these options. Sometimes it’s not clear that there is actually a choice, and we may not feel confident enough to speak up and challenge the situation. We have all had difficult assignments, demanding bosses, and non-stop travel schedules and at times, these seem outside of our control. But looking back now, I see that many of the things that I didn’t like doing or didn’t understand their purpose or fit, have actually come together and prepared me for future opportunities.  

Our destiny is determined by choices – and those choices will ultimately be a mixture of good ones and bad ones. As I have shared before, I have learned more from my mistakes and failures than from my successes. In fact, when things go right for too long, I start to wonder when the other shoe will drop. I have decided that there are no bad choices as long as I learn from them – it’s all about the journey and making the most from whatever situation I am placed in. When all else fails, I know I still have the choice to have a positive attitude.  

As for the senior manager, she too has made the decision to have a positive attitude about her assignment and is discovering the “silver lining” of building new relationships on the project. At the end of the day, attitude is everything and it is within our power to choose what it will be.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Getting Away From It All

I have just returned from the longest vacation I have ever taken – nearly 18 days! What I have learned about myself over the years is that in order for me to completely “get away” – I need to buy a plane ticket and travel to a place where I can’t get a Blackberry signal. I must admit it was heavenly to get away, but the temptation to check in did not completely disappear until the 10th day of my vacation.

During my vacation, we went to South America on a fly-fishing trip with our friends. At the lodge, there were other guests – businessmen who were constantly checking their Blackberries and laptops, during joint dinners and social time. They became known as the “Blackberry Boys” by everyone. I laughed at the time, but part of me wondered if I should be checking messages too. I vowed to turn off the Blackberry during my vacation, and I am proud that I kept that promise to myself. 

Returning today, I feel relaxed (maybe it’s the jet lag) and refreshed. Many of the same challenges are still here to be addressed, but after my vacation, they seem more manageable and not as enormous as they did a few weeks ago when I was feeling overwhelmed by it all.

Learning to relax isn’t always easy - as women, we want to do it all and feel the need to make sure that everything is in order before relaxing. I often have that guilty feeling that I should be checking in – what if someone needs something from me? Will everything get done while I am gone?

Following this vacation, I hope I can keep one of my new year’s resolutions to take better care of myself. What are some of your ways to relax and avoid burnout?

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Balancing Act

A few months ago, when I was planning a lengthy business trip and rushing around the house trying to get everything done like a maniac, my husband Ted said something that has stuck in my mind…"don’t forget about us."

After thirty years of working, I am still trying to do it all. I am often asked how I get it all done, and I just smile because I know that I will never get it all done! I still struggle with finding that balance every day. I know it’s about setting priorities, but there are days when no matter how hard I try, it just doesn’t come together. Maybe it’s the eternal optimist in me, but I haven’t given up on trying to do it all.

This past week, we had a special treat – Ted and I went to New York to surprise Allison for her birthday. She was absolutely thrilled and it was great to be together as a family. Earlier in the day, when Ted and I were having lunch by ourselves, I pulled out my Blackberry to check a few messages. I could see the disappointment in Ted’s face and realized that I was taking time away from “us.” In my heart, I know that my family is my number one priority, but sometimes I take them for granted.

And so, when I saw Ted’s expression, it was a great reminder to stop checking messages for a minute, enjoy the moment and to remember “us.” When we are together, it is our time and it should be cherished (and treated like those urgent messages I am always checking on). My inbox may always be full, but my life is full too. Even when things go awry, my family is my rock and at the end of the day, I am still wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend to those who are dearest to me.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Extraordinary Talent

I recently attended the FORTUNE Most Powerful Women Summit which is the world's premiere gathering of women leaders in business, government, academia, philanthropy, and the arts. The theme this year was “Extraordinary Talent” and I certainly left the meeting very inspired and motivated by women who are truly extraordinary and have been trailblazers in their fields. 

Like many women, I felt a little intimidated entering the room with superstar women such as Dr. Sally Ride, Melinda Gates, Martha Stewart, Billie Jean King, and Meg Whitman. All I could think was “WOW” and what an honor to be in the same room as them.

One of the most powerful messages that I heard during the Summit was from Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo Chairman and CEO. When asked “how did she get here,” her immediate answer was that she “had no idea.” All kidding aside, she was so very humble and paid tribute to the many who had given her a “gentle push” through their encouragement and guidance throughout her career, and, in many instances, took a risk by giving her an opportunity.

Her words resonated with me as I know that I would not be here today without the help of great leaders and mentors who took an interest in me and truly “owned” my success by giving me a chance, perhaps even taking a risk. Most of those opportunities were given to me at a time when I didn’t feel ready to take the next step, however, with their help, I was able to succeed. 

What I learned from some of the most powerful women in the world is that we are not alone—we all need help along the way, and, in the end, there is nothing more gratifying than sharing our success with others.

How are you owning another woman’s success?

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Appreciating Diversity

I will always remember the words of my first mentor, Vincent Benitez, who said “never forget where you came from.” Last week, these words rang very true for me.

Being an Asian-American professional, I have always been keenly aware of my differences. I can remember times in my career where I would not only be the only woman at a meeting, but also the only Asian. Being naturally shy, I still have to work hard to overcome my natural tendency to be quiet in meetings and blend into the background. Speaking up is very counter-cultural to the way I was raised.

I grew up in a predominantly African-American and Japanese-American neighborhood in south central Los Angeles. Today, this is still "home" to me and my 90-year old father still lives in the house where I spent most of my childhood. When I went away to college, it was the first time that I felt “different” and realized that this was just the beginning of my journey to appreciating my differences.

Attending the Ascend national convention last week was, in many ways, like coming home. Being in a room filled with over 1,000 Asians, I found it energizing and inspiring to hear from many successful leaders. I was also touched by young professionals who are facing many of the same challenges that I have had throughout my career. Interestingly, I experienced these same feelings of connection when I attended the NABA and ALPFA conferences earlier this summer. What I now realize is that while we may look different and perhaps believe that we see things differently, we actually have much more in common…as people.

At times, we all struggle with feelings of shyness and self-doubt and by sharing our feelings, we can open the conversation and begin to build a bond between us. Today, I feel very proud of my background and remembering where I came from is a tribute to my parents and mentors who have been part of my journey. In the end, I believe that by embracing our differences, they become our strengths.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Plugged in or Unplugged?

A few weeks ago before I was leaving on a business trip, my husband Ted said to me “don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.” My initial reaction was, “I will do that when I get all of my work done and have a chance to relax.” 

In this wired world of 24/7, I sometimes feel the very tools that make our lives easier and more efficient, can also make it nearly impossible to disconnect as we are never more than a click away. I find myself wondering…Is there really a way to unplug? Trying to balance it all is still a challenge for me, and I realize that my work may never be done—there will always be something more to do. And so, I need to actually make time to enjoy life instead of postponing it until it fits into my schedule.

With the long holiday weekend ahead, I plan to disconnect from technology and reconnect with myself and those who mean the world to me. I look forward to smelling the roses…savoring the smells of the barbeque and enjoying the sounds of conversation and laughter with friends and family. I know that if I can actually disconnect for a few days, I will come back refreshed and re-energized.

As women, we constantly try to do it all. This weekend we’re celebrating Independence Day so let’s savor that independence for ourselves by taking a break. I hope you can unplug and join me in taking time to smell the roses.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP