Two Sleeps

may have mentioned this before, but I generally don’t know the topic of each week’s posting until pretty much the minute I sit down to pen it—and this entry is no exception. (Hey, I’m not really procrastinating, you just never know when a noteworthy happening might happen.)

And so just as I sit to write, voila, an email comes across that, well, may be worthy of note. A meeting—an important one, I might add—was just scheduled a transcontinental flight away. Living in San Francisco, New York meetings that end in the early evening are what I refer to as “death zone” sessions.

You see, they require two sleeps. Not sure what ‘sleeps’ are? Well, sleeps are the unit of measure my kids use to refer to the nights that I’m out of town. Hotels use ‘nights’; my kids use ‘sleeps.’

A meeting in New York (from the west coast) means coming in the day before—the best-case scenario doesn’t get you into the office until after 6 p.m. (one sleep). And if it gets out after, say 5 p.m., it’s too late to catch the last flight back which results in, well, a second sleep.

Dialing in for this particular meeting is not an option, so the first inclination was to, well, just suck it up. It’s just one of those things you need to deal with when the center of your corporate universe is 3,000 miles away. But then, well, then I had this fleeting thought—dare I mention anything about the death zone that afternoon meetings translates into for left-coasters. What was the risk beyond irreparable harm? After all, trepidation and apprehension aren’t really “harm” per se.

Speak or forever hold your peace, I guess, and I was definitely inclined to do the latter. But after much angst, I spoke. Perhaps a bit softly, but I spoke. Upon explaining the death-zone syndrome, the mood on the other end of the phone was—was very open-minded, understanding and agreeable. 

The lesson, which admittedly, I seem to have to learn over and over again, is that, some of us at least, tend to think of things as ‘off limits’ (i.e. “I can’t say that”!) when, in fact, we are our own limiting factor. How about you? Are you among the “some of us”?

Cathy

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte LLP

Comments

[Jacqueline in Philadelphia]

Thanks for sharing. We all face situations like that (women and men) and your story is an inspirational reminder of how we can handle them.

[Lynda in New York]

Although my two-and-a-half year old twins are not yet aware of time, I know it takes a little bit of it to reconnect with my kids every time I return from a trip. My son is especially sensitive to my absence and to having to spend most of their non-"sleep"-ing hours with their nanny. As a recently divorced individual, I am not with my children every weekend to reconnect immediately, so every time a trip comes up, I agonize about how I can get as much time with them before I leave as well as when I get home. I've been fortunate to have had a couple of local opportunities but I am feeling the pressure (self-imposed?) to start traveling more often. I guess this is where I could be better about speaking up! It's nice to know there are other people out there who agonize over the same thing...

[Suzette in Atlanta]

I read this and thought, Wow, you read my mind! I was reading some of the past topics last week, and one in particular really jumped out to me...'Fitting Life into Work and Work into Life' By Guest Blogger Jim Quigley, Deloitte & Touche USA LLP.

I had been discussing this entry with my husband just yesterday, to get the male perspective. He was scheduled to be out of town this week and handled some personal things prior to leaving, during company time. This made me think about how I juggle things, and how I tend to do this on 'my time' and how I would just try to suck it up and handle it without inconveniencing my employer.

Then, I read your post...and I think your situation with the time of the meeting is something similar. Do we put more on ourselves, and just 'suck it up' to avoid saying or doing something that we think might not go over very well, even though it may be a very simple thing to fix? Do we struggle with 'fitting life into work and work into life' because of our own thoughts and limitations? I believe that I have, on numerous occasions, tried not to blend life and work, because of the way things were when I started my career...and these personal limitations are just that...personal.

Now, I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last six years, and have begun the arduous task of resuming my career, trying to convince employers to look past the 6-year hiatus, and focus on the great things I can do, and have done in my career. Possibly this time around I will try to speak up a little more (albeit with great care), and let the little governing voice inside remain a little more silent, as I fit life into work and work into life!

[Jacque in Boston]

The only way companies will change their traditions (and policies) is if people speak up. Still, that doesn't make it any easier or comfortable to be the one to say something.

[Dolores in New York]

This concept goes to back to Dorothy and her Red Shoes in the "Wizard of Oz".....she waited for permission but had the power all along.

[Pam in CHarlotte]

My kids don't use the phrase "sleeps" but they definitely ask me how many nights I'll be gone and base their "approval" of the trip on the number. I can't count how many times I've gotten up at 4:00 in the morning for a pre-dawn flight to be able to tuck them into bed the night before. While I am often a member of the "some of us" club, I am getting better. This last week, I didn't attend a fairly important global meeting, but I was home on my son's birthday. I didn't have to plead or beg, I just had to be strong enough to ask. In the short term, there may be a price to pay, but if I take a long term view of things, I have no worries.

[Leah in Irving]

It's interesting how often people avoid asking for things out of the fear of being told 'no.' The trouble with that is, by not asking, they can never be told 'yes'.