Diverting Distraction

A few weeks ago, in between bites of rubber chicken at a corporate fund-raising event, I got into a discussion with the woman to my left about a topic that I’m still playing back in my mind. This individual, who has an 11-year old daughter, was arguing—vehemently, I might add—that there should be separate classrooms for boys and girls from middle school through high school.

Her reasoning? Nope. It wasn’t that boys and girls learn differently or that girls would be more willing to express themselves in a single-gender setting. It was that her daughter is getting distracted by the boys.

“Distracted” as in her grades have gone down since she ‘found’ boys. Just the mere topic of boys sends her heart a-flutter it seems. But also distracted in another respect. It seems the boys are well, distracting. You know, as in can’t sit still, more likely to cause disruptions in class, vie for more of the teacher’s attention, etc.

This woman’s proposal to separate the genders was code for “if I can resolve the distraction of boys, my daughter would be more focused—and better off for it.” I guess she was employing an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ philosophy.

I can see this, but also wonder if we’d be teaching our kids that the best way to deal with distraction is simply by eliminating it. Now, I ask: Is this a reasonable—and implementable—response in the real world? I totally get the desire to have our kids better focus. (The focus word is often brought up in my household. Spitfire can even recite a line from the movie, The Grinch, to remind herself:  “I asked for 3/4’s and not 5/8’s…stay focused!”)

But isn’t it more likely that one distraction would simply be swapped out for another? Isn’t it unlikely that parents can successfully deploy a seek-and-destroy strategy for all things distracting? Perhaps we should, hmmm . . .

Oops, sorry, I’m in the Red Carpet Club at LAX and just got distracted momentarily. (I could swear that Sean Penn just walked by.) I’m back now. Perhaps we should focus on teaching our kids how to better deal with distractions rather than trying to eliminate them. But hey, I’m only one opinion. What do you think? Inquiring minds want to know…

Cathy

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte LLP

Lady Luck?

Likely like the rest of you, I live in a totally connected world. (Sometimes too connected, but that’s a different blog entry—see “The Rub Between Balance and Always On” for more on this topic.) With my two electronic appendages—a laptop and a blackberry—I can reach out and touch anyone anytime, and they, me. It is a good feeling to be so accessible. It’s also a great equalizer—I have the same virtual access to the people I work with as someone on their first day on the job. There’s something to be said about how technology enables that personal connection—that personal power of sorts.

But in the non-virtual world, things are a bit trickier. When you first start out in the corporate world, making connections in the workplace seems to come relatively easily. Young-and-eagers working together in the trenches tend to form some pretty strong bonds regardless of gender. But as you move up, it starts to change.

A study recently reported in Forbes found that as men and women move up, their views on what it takes to succeed diverge. Senior men are much more likely to think it’s about hard work while senior women say it’s about luck and connections. What do you think that’s about? How could it be that these senior ranks women see success so heavily influenced by the old boys network, while men see it so differently?

A series of studies over the years about the importance of mentors to career success reached similar findings: Many more men than women felt that they didn’t really have mentors. Since it is well established, though, that mentoring is a key to career success and since so many men are successful, it doesn’t stand to reason that men (on average, of course!) don’t have mentors. But perhaps what’s going on is that men respond in this way because mentoring is such an organic, natural part of their experience that they’re not even conscious of the relationships that they enjoy.

In my own experience—and through the observations and experiences of many others I’ve connected with in my travels—these relationships are not invisible for women. They don’t often happen naturally. And they are hard-won—strike that, hard-earned—when they do occur. Often just keeping our nose-to-the-grindstone doesn’t seem to do the trick. So we chalk it up to “luck and connections.”

Maybe men don’t see the old boys network because they’re part of it. And maybe women see it because they feel like they’re on the outside looking in—perhaps even waiting to be invited in (hmmm, sounds like a blog topic in the making).

What do you think? How lucky are you feeling these days?

Cathy

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte LLP

Pony Party

Sometimes occurrences are not right or wrong, or black or white, but more like green and blue. To each her own for sure.  But that doesn’t mean that one can’t lament about the choices people make sometimes. In this case, the subject is a kid’s party.

My daughter was invited to this birthday party. A social butterfly, she just loves parties and was particularly looking forward to this one. The birthday girl was one of her “best” friends (although, depending on the day, she has more or fewer “best” friends). And, and, there was going to be a pony at the party. Actually a pony was just part of the deal—it was, in fact, a small petting zoo. So you can see why it would be one of the hottest party invitations in town.

So what’s there to lament about? Well, the timing of the party was 1 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon. A convenient time perhaps for work-inside-the-home moms, but for work-outside-of-the-home moms, taking a few hours out of the heart of a workday isn’t convenient nor even always doable. (Since the kids were young there wasn’t a drop-off and pick-up option.)

Was this break from the usual weekend kids’ party circuit simply based on animal availability or some other constraint? Or was it something else? Actually, aside from the issues for working-outside-the-home moms (and to be fair, dads) it’s probably not a bad idea to have mid-week parties. There’s less contention with other weekend activities; they require shorter lead times than a weekend party at, say, Chuck E. Cheese’s; and perhaps these gatherings are even a bit more relaxed since the parents don’t need to be running off as part of the weekend rush ritual.

When the guilt gods are looming, though, it feels a bit sinister. Sort of like a dare: On top of all you do, now work this is in, too. Before you freak out, I know it’s not a rational, logical or even reasonable thought. But just as my daughter who says “my bones made me do it” when she gets caught doing something she shouldn’t—I'll place blame squarely on the guilt gods—they make me think it.

These gods make me self-judge sometimes that work-outside-the-home moms are being judged for making different choices than work-inside-the-home moms.  That there’s not mutual respect and support for the choices we individually make and collectively observe.

I know better, I really do. But once in a while, I momentarily fall off the reservation.  Do you, too?

Cathy

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte LLP

March Madness

Note from blogger Cathy Benko: From time-to-time a guest blogger is invited to post an entry for our virtual community. Today, we are fortunate to hear from Donna Orender, President of the Women's NBA, on a topic which is obviously very near and dear to her heart. What about you? Can you relate to what Donna has to say?

Today is March 1, and it begins a month that basketball fans have dubbed "March Madness." Of course, for working moms, every month has a twinge of madness. But my world is basketball, the WNBA, the women's professional basketball league, the most successful women's sports league in the world…so, for me, March Madness is about the race for the collegiate national championship.

What's the significance? Well, it's because March Madness is one of those sporting phenomena that absolutely transcends sports fans. A Harris Poll reveals that 41% of people believe that the NCAA Tournament causes productivity at work to suffer. There was a USA TODAY article about this phenomenon in which a New York staffing specialist said the following:

"Everybody is in office pools. The games are on until I leave. You can't reach clients. You can't reach anybody. Many people just take personal days (off), and there's no question as to why. ...it takes over."

According to the same Harris Poll, about four times as many males as females filled out NCAA Tournament brackets last year, though the number of women getting involved is on the rise from previous years.

So why read on? Because the language of sports is a currency that helps build bonds and relationships. Women often relegate themselves to the sidelines or opt out of the frenzy due to lack of interest or, more notably, a lack of confidence in their knowledge of sports and their ability to speak the language.

I offer the advice to just jump in. In any client relationship you do your due diligence to understand your client's context. You make the effort to know the important things and many of those things transcend the business relationship: family, interests, hobbies, et al—you work hard to find a common place from which you can build a productive business relationship.

The Final Four offers the same relationship-building opportunity with your male colleagues. It's a communal experience. It's a way to break the ice if it needs to be broken or warm the soup if it needs to be warmed. The language of sports is a very effective business tool, and I encourage women to spend the time to understand it and embrace it just as you would any other business-building opportunity.

Of course, in this case, you just may get hooked. We are, after all, talking about the game of basketball and there is magic in its air.

And the magic surrounds the women's NCAA tournament as well. A fact worth knowing: The DUKE women's team is No. 1 in the nation and ranked much higher than their male counterparts. Can Duke keep its undefeated run going through the tournament? Will their ACC rivals, North Carolina and Maryland, have something to say? Will perennial powers like UConn and Tennessee be heard from before the nets are cut down? And which potential pro prospects will improve their status for the upcoming WNBA draft?

It's been said that it's a mad, mad, mad,mad world ... March Madness is one that we can all have a little fun with.

By Donna Orender, President of the WNBA