The New Normal: Fatherhood

Note from blogger: We’re going to shake things up a bit on the blog front and from time-to-time include a series of related entries. There’s no time like the present, so we’ll start now with a series (yes, you’ve guessed it) called “The New Normal.” Since it’s Father's Day weekend, it seems fitting to choose a topic that’s, well, father-related. This is an experiment of sorts, but hey, let’s see where it goes.

I was shocked. There I was, enjoying a phoofy dinner during a global board meeting of a big-time institution. The dinner speaker, world-renowned (of course, what else would you expect at a global board dinner of a big-time institution), was entertaining in style and had a thought-provoking message. What was most provoking to me was when he said, paraphrasing, ‘sorry to be speaking to you during dinner instead of after dessert, but it’s one of my nights each week to make dinner for my kids. My wife and I split it right down the middle.’

His compulsive transparency is refreshing—but is it evidence of a sea-change? Yes, I think so. Fresh cases in point:

• Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) Chairman gave a keynote speech last month with his 21-month old son “clinging to his neck.”
• A study reported in a New York Times article found that the time that men spend today on child care activities has increased 150 percent and hours spent on housework also increased by nearly the same amount.
• Last week a White House aide blogged on a Wall Street Journal site that he was stepping down, citing his family as a key reason. http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2007/06/04/notes-on-a-white-house-juggle/
• An Amazon.com book search for “Fatherhood” returns 20,511 results with hilarious titles like Mack Daddy, Hold It Like a Football, Zen and the Art of Fatherhood, Fatherhood: An Owner’s Manual, The Sane Man’s Guide to the Insane World of Fatherhood, Stark Raving Dad, Daddy Dumbest; Nipple Confusion…, etc. If there wasn’t a market; there wouldn’t be new publications to meet it.
• There are also now online magazines specifically for fathers. (Interactive Dad is a pretty good one.)

I could go on here. Fatherhood isn’t what it used to be. With any luck, I’ve well-stated the case. Well, did I?

Cathy

P.S. To all our fathers out there, best wishes for a terrific Father’s Day. You make such a difference!

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte LLP

Comments

[Anonymous]

A fabulous father is a good measure of a man.

[Elizabeth in Shelton]

Judging by the increase in stay-at-home-dads over the last couple of decades, I’d say that fatherhood has taken on new meaning to many men. My husband is one of those who left the ranks of “the working man” to stay at home and raise our two young children. He’s embraced the role with aplomb and sincerity. I think about my own father and his level of involvement in childrearing and it strikes such a stark contrast.

I wouldn’t be the same working mother if my husband wasn’t there to support our family and my efforts in my career. I echo Cathy’s sentiment: you fathers out there do make such a difference!

[Ama Mundi in Los Angeles]

Dear Cathy,
I enjoyed your site today. This is my first visit. I am an African Professional Woman in the field of Education and Psychology. My traditional role as homemaker has roller coasted out to the sea ever since I knew how to search by author for the name Bella Abzug. I still cook and clean and do Nanny stuff, this time around by choice, not by obligation. I am still enjoying the humor in the "The New Normal: Fatherhood" article Cathy wrote. I am smiling as I write this comment. The "New Normal" has become a regular home visitor too in modern African homes within the U.S. It has strained quite a few relationships but the hope is that it will continue as a trend for the better, "out of the bitterness came forth sweetness". The unwritten job description of the new normal African fatherhood USA includes responsibility for child care and home cooked meals on days that the new normal African woman is still at the corporate office. What a mixture of discovery channel excitement and Animal Farm comedy. I have yet to figure out why it is so hard for some of our modern cooperate husbands; Phi Beta Kappa inside and out, to accept that--we, women deserve to explore new opportunities; and that we deserve air conditioned offices too and overtime pay for domestic multitasking; without the threat of loss of spousal support. I am exploring a similar topic for my dissertation in Counseling Psychology. Thank you very much.
I hope to revisit your site again soon.

[Anonymous]

I think fatherhood has changed significantly and partially I think it is because the men want to be as much as a part of their children's lives as their wives. My husband and I both work. However, when our daughter was born, my husband told his company that he was going to leave unless they could work on letting him move his hours to 7am to 4pm. They ended up letting him without a formal HR write up. I think it is great that men are now "fighting" for their rights at home and as fathers. It makes us mothers feel very lucky not only with these new husbands but also able to tell work our needs of flexible schedules. Now my husband has just as strong a bond with our daughter as I do and I believe it is directly related to his commitment to her.