Where the Heart Is

It’s been a hectic few months, but I must say that I love my new role! I am still on a steep learning curve, but what is most rewarding is having passion about my work — both WIN and serving clients. Last Friday, I had the opportunity to interview summer intern candidates and I was reminded of how much I enjoy what I do. While the workload is full and there are never enough hours in the day, I can’t imagine being any place else. I do enjoy the challenge and most importantly, the people. While in Los Angeles, I had a chance to visit with a manager who is expecting her first child — what an exciting time. We discussed how to balance it all and my advice to her was simple…know your priorities and look at them everyday. It doesn’t mean we always get to do what is No. 1, but it will keep you focused on what is important.

Fitting a career into everything else in life is a constant challenge — and there are days when I feel overwhelmed and out of tilt. In my heart, I believe that you can have it all but there will always be trade-offs. Today is Valentine’s Day and it’s also my 32nd wedding anniversary. I could not enjoy my work without the complete support of my better half, Ted. After 32 years of marriage, we have certainly had our shares of ups and downs, but we have always tried to put our family first. Having that priority and a sense of humor (thanks to Ted!) has helped us stay the course.

Reflecting on Valentine’s Day, it’s a time to celebrate our loved ones and be thankful for the support we receive from them, in fact, we should be celebrating them everyday. It’s certainly where my heart is.

Barbara

By blogger Barbara Adachi, Deloitte LLP

Comments

[Anne in New York]

Congratulations, Barbara, on your anniversary! I wanted to expand on your critical message: know your priorities, and stick with them. In my own experience, defining my priorities has been a matter of understanding what success means to me, which in turn, has been about truly following my passion. Knowing "where my heart is" has been my true north, in every aspect of my life, Anne

[June in New York]

Barbara, I certainly can relate to the appreciation of a supporting partner. My fiancé and I share a hectic lifestyle with demanding jobs, a huge extended family and several circles of friends. We are constantly synchronizing our watches, our calendars, our lives in general. If it weren't for our enthusiasm and passion for life and it's challenges paired with a real love for each other, I don't think either one of us could maintain the pace. We back each other up in all things and that's the key to our success.

[Anonymous in Connecticut]

I disagree that you can have it all. I think you can have the "appearance" of having it all but you can't really. As you said, there are trade-offs. If you could have it all, there would be no trade-offs. That's what life is all about. Let's not pretend for those who have not yet started a family that it is possible to have it all. Let's discuss the realities that comes with having a two career family, the types of things you will miss out on either with your kids, your husband, your career or your friends/self. And let's not forget about the guilt that comes along with it all, that you are not giving 100% to any part of your life because of those trade-offs. My guilt for today... valentines day... I did not think to buy or create something special for the other kids in my son's classroom because he is under the age of 2 - but all the other mom's did! Why anyone does this for kids at that age is beyond my comprehension but... it all adds to the guilt.

[Anonymous in Connecticut]

I disagree that you can have it all. I think you can have the "appearance" of having it all but you can't really. As you said, there are trade-offs. If you could have it all, there would be no trade-offs. That's what life is all about. Let's not pretend for those who have not yet started a family that it is possible to have it all. Let's discuss the realities that comes with having a two career family, the types of things you will miss out on either with your kids, your husband, your career or your friends/self. And let's not forget about the guilt that comes along with it all, that you are not giving 100% to any part of your life because of those trade-offs. My guilt for today... valentines day... I did not think to buy or create something special for the other kids in my son's classroom because he is under the age of 2 - but all the other mom's did! Why anyone does this for kids at that age is beyond my comprehension but... it all adds to the guilt.

[Heather in San Jose]

Barbara, I can hardly think of anyone in this firm with a bigger heart than you so it's no surprise that this is a big day for you. We enjoyed the evening with our children discussing the importance of friends, loved ones and family on such a special day. It was nice to be home this evening to share that time together. This is a great organization for our family values.

[Marge in Morristown]

I am somewhere in between you can have it all and there are always trade off. There are always trade offs with everything in life. It just seems women in business have more than their fair share of them. If you keep your priorities straight and you have a partner who shares and validates the same priorities - you will be fine. I am getting ready to send our only son off to college and I still feel guilty about certain times when I wasn't there. A sense of humor helps. Now, when my son was in pre k, I was on a business trip. On the way home I realized I hadn't made a halloween costume. I thought all the other moms would make it. In the Wichita airport I figured out he would be an Indian so I bought a real indian head dress, called home and asked my mother to go buy felt and a glue gun etc. Got home at midnight and put the costume together. When he came home from school the next day he said... I liked my costume mon but next year could we get one of those store bought ones like all the other kids had!!!!!! I tried.... so hard ... but all I could do was laugh. So from then on I decided I would do what I thought was right and do the best I could.

[Monica in Dallas]

Congratulations on 32 years of marriage! This is extremely encouraging to witness. Lately my friends and I've had a keen awareness that professional women around us at later stages in their career have either chosen not to marry or have gone through a divorce. Lately, we have been questioning whether a professional woman is actually able to sustain a marriage in this era. We are in solid marriages of about 5 years but with the trend around us we worry. With that said, it is understood that every situation is unique. Thanks for the encouragement!

[Lynn in New York]

Piggy-backing on what Monica said here, one thing I've noticed that should give one pause for thought is... Thinking about businessmen that have reached a certain level of "success," it is extremely rare that such a man is not married. But it seems much more common to find an equally successful business woman, that is single. Hmmmmm.... I guess one can make their own inferences from this.

[Marlene in New York]

Barbara congratulations on 32 years! Your advice for the mother-to-be is really on point. As the mother of an 11 month and a Principal in the organization, I have struggled with all of the competing demands since coming back from maternity leave. The key is to understand your priorities and constantly remind yourself of those priorities. If not, it's easy to get caught up in everything that is going on.

[Cathy in Oakland]

am so proud of you Barbara! You have accomplished so much - great career, great husband and great daughter. In my experience working with you - you have always treated everyone with respect and, in turn, have earned the respect of others. I look forward to supporting you in your new role.